I Underestimated Longlegs…

“…Was NOT what I was expecting in any capacity. I was thoroughly impressed…”

Caution: Spoilers

Okay this one is a doozy, so bear with me. While this is more of a thriller than a horror, this movie definitely exceeded my expectations. Nicholas Cage did an excellent job producing and acting in this movie. That alone, I don’t want to say shocked me, but I was incredibly pleased with the style of filming and acting from him and the other characters.

The style is difficult to describe. Based on the intro scene, I first thought it was giving “Silence of the Lambs” meets “Amityville Horror”. However, it slowly morphs into a paranormal variation of “Zodiac”. You can tell where the inspiration came from, but “Longlegs” is absolutely it’s own entity in itself.

We’re introduced to Longlegs right in the beginning, which I wasn’t expecting. The movie starts out with a young girl noticing a strange vehicle outside of her house. When she goes out to investigate, you can hear her mother in the background calling for her. She turns, acknowledging her mother’s call, but she doesn’t respond. As she turns back around, there’s a pale man with long gray hair and disheveled clothes standing in front of her, but his face not in frame. He starts talking some nonsense and the girl stands there, stone-faced. Suddenly, the man lets out a cackle that he emanates with his entire body, his knees buckle, and he hunches over to give the audience a glimpse of his face for a split second before the title screen pops up.

Now this whole intro scene was filmed in 4:3 ratio, and as the credits roll, the ratio slowly pans out to a widescreen. I later noticed that they used the 4:3 ratio to indicate past events and I thought that was a really nice touch. It kind of makes you focus more on what’s going on, if that makes sense. Like they’re hoping the viewer hones in on smaller details that ultimately give hints to the plot.

We flip to Special Agent Lee Harker, who’s getting debriefed with her colleagues about where they should begin the hunt for a suspected killer. I don’t know what it is about Harker, but this first scene, I immediately loved her. She has a relatability to her that pulls you into her character and makes you want to know more, but ultimately, you never really get the opportunity. I literally wrote in my notes, “I’d be friends with her,” and I stand by that.

While her and her partner, Agent Fisk, are in a neighborhood knocking on doors and questioning people about this suspect, she begins hearing a low-pitched ringing noise. She turns around toward a house and says, “It’s that one,” indicating that that’s where the suspect is hiding out. Her partner takes it upon himself to walk up to the door and ring the doorbell.. and this part was pretty sick. As Fisk rings the doorbell, Harker is walking slowly past a large window that has the blinds pulled down. You can hear heavy footsteps approaching from the distance and walking right past the window ahead of Harker. The door opens, and as Fisk is reciting his monologue that he’s said to every other house he questioned, he’s interrupted by a bullet through his head. Yeah dawg, immediately #wasted. The best movies pop off immediately and you cannot change my mind. Long story short there, Harker takes the murderer into custody.

We’re then met with a pretty confusing scene of what seems to be Harker taking a psych evaluation. Next thing we know she’s in a car with Lieutenant Carter and Agent Browning, who eludes to Harker being psychic based on identifying the house where the suspect was hiding out and the psych test. I’m sure you’re not surprised to know my immediate response was, “fuck yeah.”

Carter immediately wants Harker on the Longlegs case and shows her the notes left at the crime scenes. They’re essentially Zodiac killer style with strange glyphs and signed by “Longlegs”. When she’s reviewing the documents and crime scene evidence, she has a line that I resonated SO deeply with. Carter basically asks her how she’s able to make connections so easily, and her response is that it’s “like something tapping you on the shoulder telling you where to look.” When I say that’s the perfect way to describe intuitive guidance and information, it is spot on.

Now at this point, I was thinking that Longlegs uses some sort of psychic attack to infiltrate the minds a family member and has them do the killings. It seemed to be on par with the theme so far with Harker being psychic, and the fact that they believe Longlegs is never actually at the scene of the crime ever. There’s never any evidence of forced entry, weapons are always something that was inside the house, and there’s no trace that anyone other than the victims are in the home at the time of the murders. (Just wait, this movie is wild.)

Harker is introduced to Carter’s family briefly, and naturally as an intuitive queen, his daughter Ruby seems to take a liking to her. Ruby asks Harker if she’d come to her birthday party, and Harker reluctantly agrees.

After she gets home, there’s a turn of events that lead to Harker finding a birthday card from Longlegs on her desk. Somehow, she’s able to decode the symbols in the letter and brings it into Carter’s office the next day. When he asks how she figured it out, she delivers another great line: “I only looked long enough.”

Now, there’s a couple points where Harker calls her mother, Ruth, and they have these quick, awkward conversations. It gives the vibe that their relationship is a bit estranged. Each time she speaks to her, Ruth asks her if she’s saying her prayers, and during the second phone call when her mother asks her and she says no, her mother says, “Prayers protect us from the devil.” This kind of gives the viewer reason to believe that maybe that’s the reason why their relationship seems so off, but again… just keep reading : )

I have to shout out the film style because the movie is already pretty eerie, but the camera pans and angles are such a nice touch. There’s a point where the characters walk past the camera and the camera doesn’t follow. The camera stays completely still at times focused on the backgrounds, but there’s never really a focal point. To me, it gives the impression that there’s always something or someone lurking and keeping an eye on our MC.

“The panning past our MCs into the background is tormenting.”

bullet from my notes

So Carter and Harker head to the Camera family’s home, the most recent victims of Longlegs. There, in the family barn, they uncover from the floorboards a life size, porcelain doll. They bring it to forensics and they’re told that this doll has human hair and a metal ball of sorts was found in its head. When they’re told this, the ball starts making a low-pitched ringing sound that only Harker seems to hear. (Remember that from earlier?) She’s snapped out of it by Carter who says that they need to visit the surviving member of that family, who has been in psych ward since she found her family butchered. Her name is Carrie Anne.

The visit to Carrie Anne isn’t incredibly significant, but we do learn that she seems to recognize Harker, saying, “You’ve been to my house.” Harker denies that she’s ever been to her house prior to that day, but Carrie Anne isn’t convinced. We get some visuals of what happened the day her family was murdered, and it’s all from the perspective of the doll. A key point in this interview, though, is that when Harker asks Carrie Anne if she remembers the doll, she responds, “No, but you don’t either.” Utter confusion at this point, but we proceed.

After this meeting, we find out that Carter is a bit suspicious of Harker because the Longlegs case has been frozen for years and soon as she gets put on it, dots are connecting seamlessly. He took a peek at some police reports and finds out that Harker’s mother had made a police report on Harkers 9th birthday about a strange man being at their house. He tells her that she needs to have a conversation with her mother and to find out who that stranger was and if it could have been Longlegs.

As we already know, Harker has a weird relationship with her mother. When she sits down next to her, her mother asks her again if she’s been saying her prayers, to which Harker responds, “I never said my prayers, never once. They scared me.” Ruth’s response? Not what you’d expect.. “Prayers don’t help us. Prayers don’t do a goddamn thing.”

Harker presses her about her 9th birthday and why she called the police about a stranger on their property. She avoids the question at all costs, never giving a straight answer. Harker eventually goes to her old bedroom to find a chest of things from her childhood. There, she finds polaroids, and we get a flashback of a young Lee Harker snapping a picture of Longlegs right before her mother comes out to question him. Longlegs starts yapping away and says, “You can make me leave, but I’ll have to come back not once or twice, but as many times as I like.” We then immediately flash to Longlegs at a bus stop, with two suitcases, and sirens approach from the distance. The cops eventually surround him and take him into custody. I honestly don’t know how I feel about them finding him so easily, but I guess it worked with the character and the plot.

I have to say, I really love the Longlegs character. He makes the viewer so uneasy and he’s super cringe at some points during a couple scenes where it’s just him. Nicky Cage did such a great job. He knows how to demand attention.

In the interrogation room, Harker walks in to an over-joyed Longlegs, welcoming her in as the birthday girl. She tries getting answers from him, asking him who his accomplice is and who is “the man downstairs”, as he keeps referring to. This guy just speaks in riddles and honestly, I’m so here for it. I love a killer with riddles and shit. In his own way, he explains how the houses were chosen and the conditions that had to be met. When Harker asks him for the last time who the man downstairs is, his response is, “Why don’t you ask your mommy?” He then proceeds to smash his face into the metal table until he’s dead.

My mom clocked something I didn’t at this point. She said that when Longlegs says, “Crimson or clover,” during the interrogation, this meant that Ruth had to make a deal with “the guy downstairs” in order to save her daughter. Shout out to Barb.

Harker races to her mother’s house with Agent Browning, who gets blasted by a shotgun the moment Harker gets inside her mother’s house. She looks out the window to see her mother walking around the other side of the car to shoot Browning one more time, before noticing her daughter standing in the window watching her. She runs outside and around the side of the house to find her mother standing there with a doll that looks exactly like a young Lee Harker. Her mother says, “You’re free, baby girl,” and blasts the doll in the head. We see a dark mist come out of the doll’s head, then out of Harker’s head before she passes out.

Now we get the full story of what the opening scene was about from Ruth’s point of view. One day a stranger visited their home and claimed he was a doll maker from the church. We’re to assume that he was invited into the home because the next scene is of him tying Ruth up in their living room and a young Lee peering through the doorway of her bedroom. Ruth made a deal with Longlegs that if he spared her daughter, she’d help him with what he was doing. Ruth explains that, “from his hiding place from within the dolls, the guy downstairs did the rest,” and she just needed to get the doll inside of the house and watch each family murder to ensure everything was done to “his” satisfaction. Basically, the dolls were harboring the devil and he’d brainwash each father with that low-pitched ringing to kill their family.

Was NOT what I was expecting in any capacity. I was thoroughly impressed.

After this re-telling from Ruth’s POV, we find Harker waking up in what appears to be Longlegs’ hideout… which is her mother’s fucking basement. Yes, Longlegs was hiding out in her childhood home and she was standing mere feet above him when she went there earlier. She hears a phone ringing, she picks up the line, and a creepy voice on the other end reminds her of Ruby’s birthday party. YES, WE HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE TO THAT.

When she arrives at Carter’s home, he and his wife answer the door strangely smiley and welcoming. Harker asks if everyone is okay, if Ruby is alright, and they both assure her everything is fine and that they’re just about to cut her birthday cake… DAWG. She walks into the living room to see Ruby sitting next to a life size doll of herself and her mother sitting directly across from Ruby. Harker tries to tell Carter that her mother is the accomplice, but it seems that Carter has already succumbed to the power within the doll. It’s so hard to describe the vibe of the room because, well, his wife is inexplicably chipper with a hint of panic and anxiety, while Carter is seemingly raging and short tempered. Ruby is quite sitting next to her doll and doesn’t mutter a single word during this entire scene.

Abruptly, Carter eerily says it’s time to cut the cake, which is quite obviously code for it’s time to cut something (or someone) else. His wife lets out an awkward yelp, as if she’s startled by what he says. She says, “I’m so sorry, I’ll be right back,” to which Carter snaps, “No. I’ll be right back,” implying she ain’t coming back because she’s the one about to get cut up. Shocker, she does. We don’t get a visual, but we hear all we need to hear to get the gist of what went down in that kitchen. Carter comes out, bloodied and knife in hand, and Harker raises her gun and tells him to drop it. He doesn’t, and like the fantastic character she is, shoots him dead. When she does this, her mother is TRIGGERED and stands up to attack Ruby. Baby girl wastes no time and shoots her mom point blank between the eyes. Quite the fabulous shot.

We’re left with quite the open-ended scene as Harker clings onto Ruby and tries to shoot Ruby’s doll to release what’s inside, but realizes she’s out of ammo. Her gun clicks a few times and we begin to hear that low-pitched ringing again. We’re kind of left unsure of what this means, as it cuts to black, then back to Longlegs in the interrogation room who leaves us with a wonderful declaration (sarcasm) that I will not be reciting. If you wanna know, go watch the movie.

Welp! I think that’s my longest review yet, but it was worth it. This was such a great movie, though, again, I wouldn’t really consider it horror. I mean, it’s horrific in certain aspects, but definitely not the genre per se. I’d give this a solid 9/10.

If you subscribe to get future posts sent directly to your inbox, I’d be just the happiest of peaches : ) (iykyk)

Until next time ❤

hugs & kisses xx
Meg

Terrifier… is Terrifying

“…Aside from his outright absolute brutality, his mannerisms and demeanor make him such an unconventional character…”

CAUTION: SPOILERS

(I had no idea what I was in for with this movie…)

SURPRISE! I watched Terrifier, and brethren, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared whatsoever. I had been wanting to watch this movie for some time, and since Terrifier 3 came out on a day I happened to be home and wasn’t feeling well, I thought, “Perfect! I’ll add the first one to my Spooktober list and surprise the gang.”

If you don’t know, Terrifier is a slasher with our main man being Art the Clown. This guy dresses up in a black and white clown outfit, and is essentially a mime. He doesn’t utter a sound throughout the entire movie, which just adds to his sadistic nature. And… well… that’s it. We don’t get any backstory in Terrifier, but I do know that there’s a prequel called All Hallow’s Eve that adds a little bit of insight to who the hell Art is. But, yeah… no one is safe from this dude, and even when you think there might be some humanness to him, you are quickly proven wrong.

I was quite literally not ready for what transpired in that ~90 minutes of pure chaos. Just the opening scene itself! From the first 5 minutes until about halfway through this movie, you’re on the edge of your seat wondering where the fuck these directors heads were at making this and are they like… mentally sane? And I say “until halfway through the movie” because there is a bit of a lull where things go from 100 to 0 pretty drastically. I feel like that might have been on purpose to give the audience some time to breathe in-between the absolute madness that occurs.

There’s a scene in a pizzeria where Tara and Dawn (our mc girlies) are trying to sober up before they drive home. Art, who has already been seen by the girls, sits down at a table across from them. Tara and Art have the best stare-down, tension building moment. When they lock eyes, Art begins to make faces at her, seemingly trying to get a reaction, but Tara is stone cold. One of the workers at the pizzeria asks Art to order something or GTFO. There’s a bit of a struggle and Art leaves.

Blink and you miss it, but at the pizzeria there’s a jack-o-lantern on top of the glass case where they put the pies. Of course, as you might have guessed, these dudes have no chance of making through the rest of this movie. BUT when one of the guys comes out from the backroom looking for his co-worker, he’s met with Art, covered in blood with a big ole knife in hand. As he’s being attacked we get a glimpse of the missing co-workers head on the glass case, which replaced the jack-o-lantern, lit up and all. If you’re not completely sickened by the gore and slashing that occurs, it’s actually pretty hysterical.

After the pizza shop interaction, I literally wrote in my notes, “I really think I found my new favorite horror movie.” What that says about me, I dunno. We’re a judgement-free zone here, okay? The reason why I like this movie so much is because everything happens so quickly and there’s no time to process what’s going on. It’s almost as if the directors were trying to get the audience in a real Fight or Flight of what they’d do in each situation. It’s so wild to experience.

I’m not going to go too much into detail about some of the scenes because you need the unawareness going into this movie if you haven’t seen it. I refuse to spoil the shock factor!!!

Now, let me talk about Art the Clown as a character. Aside from his outright absolute brutality, his mannerisms and demeanor make him such an unconventional character. Like honestly, there’s some shocking ways that Jason Voorhees, Michael Meyers and Freddy Kruger kill their victims, but nothing compares to Art’s style and savagery.

The acting by David Howard Thornton is impeccable. The way in which he utilizes his entire body to express his emotions is beyond impressive. When he’s reacting to certain things that take place, his expressions are so over-the-top that it’s relatively easy for the viewer to guess what he would be saying if he could speak. (I assume there’s a reason he can’t… unless it’s a voluntary attribute that Art takes upon himself to implement… which would make his character even more insane than he already is.)

He’s brutal, man. When he’s attacking people, he’s making sure he’s getting them good. I also feel like he plays up to each victim’s personality, almost like he’s mocking them. Like with Tara, since the pizzeria incident, the antagonistic style of his attacks and torture mimicked the way he was egging her on sitting at the table with his facial expressions. There’s another character, who is referred to as the “Cat Lady” according to casting, who is clearly homeless and mentally ill. She has a doll that she thinks is her daughter and Art takes advantage of her motherly instinct after she asks him, “Is there kindness in you?” And I swear, you start to think for a second that she possibly makes some type of impact with how she asks him that question. Unfortunately, no one is safe in this movie. Literally every single person that enters the chat is not safe in any capacity.

Another thing that really freaked me out was that, even when Art was stabbed and beaten by some of our brave characters, he doesn’t utter a peep, dude. Like no noise at all. Then will shoot the camera a side-eye or an eye-roll breaking that third wall and you’re like… “Are you kidding..?” Then he does some shit like popping into the room on a mini bicycle to chase one of the girls. Or when he pulls out one of those oversized clown horns to tease one of the victims. He even gives the finger to a girl that bamboozles him in the midst of them duking it out. Nothing is serious to this guy and it makes it ever so slightly easier to watch, but man, the barbarism is enough to really fuck you up.

To be completely honest, though, I really dig Art the Clown as a horror icon, and, dare I say, he’s my favorite. If you’ve seen the movie, you absolutely know what I mean. He’s a goof and he’s actually pretty funny, just in really fucked up ways. Some of the scenes are so detailed and so raw, and then we have Art sprinkling in humor, like he’s playing up the sadistic clown stereotype. He’s truly the best at it.

I will say, about 3 quarters of the way through, I was feeling kind of exhausted, like the flip flopping between absolutely wild slasher scenes and unexpected comedy. It’s like, not only does Art play with the emotions of his victims, but he plays with the audience’s emotions as well. I couldn’t tell how on edge I was during the entire movie until the end credits came on and I involuntarily breathed a sigh of RELIEF. The ruthlessness of how he kills people is just so profound, it makes you physically, verbally and emotionally react to what’s happening. I felt like I was traumatized for a couple days after the fact.

I’d assume Art is something like Michael Meyers or Jason because of the sequels, Terrifier 2 and Terrifier 3. This guy just keeps coming back. Although, truthfully, I think I’d stand more of a chance against Michael or Jason than Art. If you found yourself in one of the Terrifier movies, there’s little to no hope for you, bestie. Sorry!

You’re probably wondering if I’m planning on seeing the sequels… and absolutely I am! I’m spacing them out though. I haven’t decided if I’ll be writing reviews for those yet, but make sure you’re subscribed so you’ll be the first to know if I do!

Let me know in the comments or on the socials if you’ve seen Terrifier, and if you agree with my thoughts about Art the Clown. That’s all I have for this one.

Stay tuned for my next Spooktober horror review!

Xox

The Blair Witch Project – A True Horror Classic

…It’s the way in which they verbalize their dread and incredible anxiety that shakes you as a viewer…

Caution: Spoilers

I mean, honestly, if you’re a horror fan and haven’t seen this movie already, you’re seriously missing out.

The Blair Witch Project is a found footage style horror film that follows 3 college students filming a documentary about the legend of the Blair Witch. We’re introduced to Heather, who rallies up Josh and Mike to help her produce a film with the intention of finding answers for the strange happenings revolving around the Black Hills forest.

During the first 10 minutes or so, you’re getting used to the style of filming. The cameras are all over the place, the actors seem to talk over each other a lot, but somehow this seems to draw the viewer in more. I found myself relating to this type of scenario – in college working on a group project with a couple classmates that don’t really seem all too interested in the actual content itself.

Their plan was a simple one – find some cool, scenic shots, narrate some stories, set up camp for a night and wrap up the film. They get some nice b-roll shots, Heather talks about some of the lore and they finally set up camp. In the morning they venture off on a “shortcut” that Heather believes will take them directly back to their car. I’m sure you could guess that this “shortcut” was a mistake.

So far, there really isn’t anything significantly scary that’s happened yet. However, once they begin to realize they might be lost, you can feel the anxiety and panic emanating from Mike as he begins to get frustrated with Heather and starts to yell for help. His emotions feel real, and I explain why that is at the end of this review. So, keep reading!

This movie is pretty disorienting, so forgive me if my timeline is incorrect. I’m pretty sure the second night is when shit gets real. Heather, Josh and Mike are all sleeping in their tent when they’re woken up by noises that sound like walking. All of a sudden their tent begins to shake and voices can be heard outside. The 3 students sprint out of the tent into the darkness of the woods. As they’re all trying to guide each other with screams and the lights from their cameras, you hear Heather yell, “What the fuck is that!?” about something that’s completely out of frame.

Remember, this is a found footage film. As they’re running, you’re only getting glimpses of trees, brush and their legs as they’re trying to get distance from whatever was near their tent. So when Heather sees something off camera, your imagination begins to run wild as to what she caught sight of.

The next day during their venture, Heather goes to grab the map they’d been using as a guide and realizes it’s gone. The boys, that are now a bit delirious, begin laughing and joking about how lost they are and poking fun at Heather for losing the map. Then, as if snapping them all back into reality, Mike ends up blurting out that he kicked the map into the stream because “it wasn’t helping anyway.” This sends Heather and Josh into a full blown spiral, verbally and physically attacking Mike for doing something so selfish and stupid. The way that their moods and demeanor change so abruptly is chilling. From lighthearted giddiness to full blown emotional breakdown…it’s pretty wild.

Following this, I believe we cut straight to the next morning where Heather wakes up and emerges from the tent only to realize that Josh is missing. She calls for him a few times to see if he responds and when he doesn’t, she wakes Mike up. Here is where the genuine emotion truly gets a rise out of the viewer.

The first blood-curdling scream of the film is Heather calling for Josh. The pure fear and emotion coming from the single syllable of his name genuinely shocks you to your core. I’m telling you, once you hear how she screams for him, it’ll be seared into your memory. Mike joins in on calling out for Josh, and in pure terror, he yells, “Tell me where you are, Josh!” It’s the way in which they verbalize their dread and incredible anxiety that shakes you as a viewer. You hear the painful realization of how dire this situation truly is for them.

After calling out for Josh for hours, Mike finds one lone cigarette at the bottom of his bag. Heather puts the camera against a tree with Mike in frame, squatting on the ground, taking small puffs as to pull every last bit of comfort from the nicotine. Heather walks over, squats next to him, he hands her the cig and she rests her head on his shoulder.

Another incredibly simple, but impactful moment…Heather finds something and is panicking, but won’t tell Mike what she found. As she’s trying to put on the ginormous hiking backpack, her hair gets caught. In the most defeated and pitiful way, she quietly and vulnerably says, “My hair is caught.” This particular moment in this scene deeply resonated with me. The simplicity of how she said it, mid-panic attack and sobbing…it felt way too familiar. Reluctantly asking for help in the midst of losing your grip on reality.

Of course, we have the iconic scene of Heather speaking into the camera. Truly, this is the most iconic scene in horror film history. You need to watch it for yourself. (Wait until you read why.)

Finally, we have the last night. The two are woken up by what sounds like Josh yelling for help. They’re drawn further and further into the woods until they find an abandoned house. The disorientation gets worse and they’re drawn upstairs, then downstairs to the basement. Mike, running ahead of Heather yells out, “I hear him downstairs!” Another iconic quote, in my humble opinion. The way he says it, anxiously, but also with the minute sense of hope that they’ve finally found him. The last 30 seconds or so, all you hear is Heather screaming out for Mike, with no response. Heather finally reaches the basement to find Mike standing in the corner. Her camera drops.

Now, what if I told you that every single quote and scene I referenced was completely improvised by the actors? That’d be nuts…right?

Well, guess what. Turns out that the directors had many unconventional tendencies with just about every aspect of this film. From auditions to scripting, nothing was the norm. Heather, Josh and Mike were given a script with zero dialogue. On top of that, the directors kept their distance from the actors throughout filming, so there was very little foresight into what was going to happen in each scene. WHICH MEANS, not only were their lines completely improvised, their emotions and panic were 100% authentic and genuine reactions to what was going on around them.

My friend Nicholas, who is a writer himself, expressed his thoughts based solely on his memory of the film, “I wonder if that’s why it felt so real.”

It felt so real because these actors weren’t acting.

After learning this, my obsession with this movie has grown exponentially. The Blair Witch Project is officially in my top movies considering everything the actors went through…and apparently are still going through.

I know I mentioned on my Instagram that I wanted to include my 2 cents about the lawsuits, however I didn’t want to take away from the review itself. I’ll be writing up a separate piece that dives into the numerous lawsuits that these actors have and are currently dealing with. But, for now, we’ll leave it here.

I hope you enjoyed the read! When and if you end up watching (or re-watching) this film, let me know your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to know how and if your perspective has changed knowing what you know now.

Make sure to subscribe with your email to get all my future posts (including The Lawsuits piece) delivered directly to your inbox.

Until next time, my spooky friends.

Sources:

This article has some more super interesting information about the film, directing and actors: https://people.com/true-story-behind-the-blair-witch-project-8685471

Love Conquers All Obstacles

Does it?

Quite frankly, I’m not sure.

I’d argue it creates more –

My thoughts about Love and what Love is has wavered throughout the years. It’s safe to say I’m at an internal stalemate.

It can be magical, even illuminating at times. The high never seems to stop climbing. Other times, it feels like you’re continuously plummeting to the depths of hell. It’s confusing, messy and bothersome in the sense that sometimes I’d rather be a heartless bitch than have so much love that I’m bursting at the seams, only for it to be selfishly consumed, mistreated and taken for granted.

So, Love conquers all obstacles, does it?

I’d say it creates more.

How to Cope with Negative Feelings (and Transmute Them)

Learning how to cope with negative feelings can be just as difficult as the situation that brought about the negative feelings in the first place. We get sad, angry, jealous, confused, distraught, and sometimes it’s difficult to find relief. Let’s be real, feeling any kind of negativity within us just doesn’t feel good – physically, mentally, energetically, emotionally, or spiritually.

And if you’re reading this, you’re probably going through a tough time right now. I just want you to know that I’m here for you and you are not alone in what you’re feeling. Nor are you alone in searching for relief and coping mechanisms for how to overcome these challenging feelings.

The information below is all opinion and based on my own personal experiences.

I want to clarify, that I’m no medical professional by any means. Therefore, if you are in a mental health crisis, please reach out to your doctor, someone you trust, or call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988).

Remember, there are so many people that are grateful that you exist. You are so loved.

A screenshot from Merriam-Webster Dictionary of the word "cope" and its' definition. It reads, "cope - verb - (coped; coping) intransitive verb. 1. a.: to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties - often used with "with".

What does it mean “to cope”?

I feel like the word “cope” has been thrown around a bit too much when it became part of mainstream culture. I’ve noticed some internet dwellers use it to emphasize dramatics or in a sarcastic manner. However, like the definition above reads, it’s used to describe overcoming significant situations.

Coping can be confused with distracting. I have to say that I’m guilty of distracting myself from negative emotions in order to push them aside and keep it moving. Honestly, that’s not a healthy thing to do.

In the definition, the terms deal with and attempt to suggest action. When we cope with negativity, we are taking action to address these feelings head-on, instead of disregarding and suppressing them, or using distractions to keep our minds busy. But just as the word attempt suggests, sometimes we try to deal with these things and we struggle.

So, what do we do then?

A woman's hand in a clear, flowing stream meant to represent the idea of transmuting negative energy to allow us to flow with our emotions.

How can we transmute negative energy and feelings?

The word transmute means to change something’s form, nature, or substance. When we talk about transmuting energy, think of it as utilizing negative feelings to fuel an action that is releasing in some way, shape, or form.

For example, if you suffer from anxiety, it’s well-known that exercise is effective in diminishing feelings of anxiety, worry, and stress. This is a healthy way to not only cope with intense negative feelings, but also to transmute the negative energy you’re feeling into energy for a workout. In college, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and one of my main outlets, or coping mechanisms, was the on-campus gym.

There are many other coping strategies I still use to this day that allow me to redirect energy from festering negative emotions into more positive, healthy activities that release these feelings.

A laptop outside surrounded by trees meant to represent the productivity that can be channeled from transmuting negative energy into proactive energy.

Five ways to help you cope with and transmute negative feelings.

1. write them down

It’s as simple as you might think. Grab a journal, printer paper, your phone’s notes app, or laptop and get everything out. Write a letter (that you won’t mail), an email (that you won’t send), poetry, or something less structured. This allows you to get negative feelings out in a way that isn’t filtered and really has no negative repercussions.

2. talk it out

Of course, talking through your feelings and emotions during a difficult time with someone you trust is a great way to release. Sometimes others are able to offer different perspectives that can be helpful when learning how to cope with negative feelings.

3. dance it out

Yes, you read that right! I recently had a conversation with a friend that revolved around an Instagram reel. The video was captioned, “POV: you see me doing rasputin in my bathroom to scare off the panic attack”. And yes, there was someone doing the rasputin dance in their bathroom. When I sent it to them as something to giggle about, they said that dancing has actually worked for them when dealing with their anxiety. “Okay but singing and dancing actually helps.”, they said, “I think it tricks my brain that I must be comfortable if I’m going [to do] those things.” I honestly have never tried this one, but I’m willing to try it out if the opportunity arises.

4. do something you love

It’s simple really. Using negative energy to do something that you love is transmutation. You’re transmuting the negative feelings and energy into proactive energy going toward something you enjoy. Whether it’s writing, reading, painting, decorating, shopping, cooking, going for a drive, etc. You have the ability to take control of your energy and feelings. Plus, you may even create or find something beautiful in the process.

5. acknowledge them and let yourself feel

Finally, allow yourself to feel these emotions deeply, acknowledge them and accept them. I know sometimes our initial response to anything negative is to push it down, distract ourselves, or move on quickly. I get it. But negative energy and feelings are tricky. The more they sit inside of us, the more they take a toll on our inner well-being. Frankly, it’s not healthy. The goal is to learn how to turn negative feelings into energy that can be used to do something more positive. Practice makes progress.

I hope that this shed some light on any darkness you may be facing. Like I said at the beginning, learning how to cope with negative feelings can be just as tough and what brought them about. As long as we acknowledge them, we’re gentle with ourselves during this time, and we learn what works best for us to cope with them in a healthy manner, nothing will be able to break you.

Love to you always,
MKB

If you or someone you love needs support, please call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988). There are so many people that are grateful that you exist. You are not alone.

Why are poets always sad?

I’m tired of mundane bullshit.

I want to talk about life, music, purpose, ideals and eccentric thoughts –

raw conversations, deep emotions.

Get a coffee and talk about the symbolism in our dreams.

Go to a park and let me join your internal debates.

Take a walk by the water where we discuss life’s purpose.

Drink wine by a fire and reminisce about stories from when we were children.

And when I say I want to talk, what I mean is I want someone to listen.

I have these thoughts in my head that stay stagnant.

Poor things never see the light of day.

Only when I remember

to jot them down on paper

to reference back to later.

Fantasizing about being able to express these things

without judgment or weird looks

that make me regret even saying them.

To be loved, they say, is to be understood,

and I think I’m misunderstood a lot.

So can someone please explain to me the complexities of those words

before I run from a possible reality

I’m not ready to face?

a woman with purple hair and a pink sweatshirt with her back to the camera walking away in the midst of a field of flowers, surrounded by pinks, reds, oranges, and yellows. Tall vibrant green trees in the background with rolling hills, contrasting the baby blue sky with white puffy clouds. Image for the poem, "Why are poets always sad?"

Peace

As the day turns in to rest,
A reflection on the day.
We took control,
We made amends,
And said as much as we could say.

Now the night creeps up on us –
Silence seeping in.
A deep breath,
A restful mind,
A sense of peace emerges within.

Innervision

I want to be writing all the time.
No sleep, no work,
Just line by line.

Letting the words come and go,
Jotting them down,
Letting them flow.

It’s a super power and mine is well known;
Being able to compile words
And making them my own.

It’s truly a blessing to be able to express
An idea, a moment,
Thoughts not put to rest.

There’s so many ways to describe
A cloud of thoughts
Built up inside.

A waterfall of aimless prose,
A metaphor or two,
Something more composed.

The creativity is never bleak.
When I write these words,
I’m at my peak.

So, to be able to share my work with you,
Is something I cherish
And will always do.

I was born to be a poet.

I was born to be a poet.

All these thoughts inside my head
Come to me in metaphors and
Used to go unsaid.

Until I found my poetry
And look what it’s become –
A flowing sense of inspiration
For years on end to come.

And though I have my struggles
And battles like the rest,
Poetry is always there
To make me feel my best.

I was born to be a poet.

It comes so naturally
And now I know my purpose
Of whom I’m meant to be.